If Pain was a Person

I finished the dishes from lunch, wiped down the table, scratched off a foreign substance from a chair and had a glorious thought, "I feel well enough to organize my spice cabinet." Organizing is never a curse or punishment to me. There's some sort of warped satisfaction I get by putting things in alphabetical, numerical, or categorical order. I happen to believe that once it's finished, life becomes ever-so-slightly more efficient. Joy is always a side effect.

A few seconds after switching the coriander jar with the cilantro, I felt the fiery sting of pain in my right hip and a familiar ache crawl up my back, neck and down through my arms. I immediately responded in my thoughts, "No! You are NOT going to stop me again." 

Do you remember how the Bible personifies wisdom in the Book of Proverbs? Well, for some reason, I decided to personify pain today. Proverbs 1 says that wisdom cries out in the streets, city squares, high places and is willing to help simple people grow in their knowledge and understanding of life. But pain? If pain were a person...what kind of personality would it have?

I guess a lot depends on your own experience with pain, but in my life, it is like an obnoxious, unruly child. It constantly interrupts me regardless of what I am doing, who I am with, or the time of day (or night). I can be in the middle of worship, the middle of a conversation, or in the middle of sleep, and it will selfishly demand my attention by yelling, screaming, or increasing its force until I cannot deny, ignore or sleep through it. It never asks permission to interrupt my day and rarely gives forewarning so I know how to plan. Pain seems to be most debilitating when I am with my child. Probably because of the disappointment that floods my heart when I can't perform all that I want in her childlike world of wonder. Pain is nearly hyper in its relentless pursuit to steal joy, crush hope, and spread discouragement all over limitations. It likes to paint the future with dark colors and play videos with tragic endings. One of the biggest personality traits of pain, is its insidious attempts to attack the character of God with a treasure-trove of lies and twisted truths. 

I put the Venison seasoning with the steak and chicken rub at the back of the shelf and looked for my medication bottle. I had my years in the past when "pain killers" came in many different forms and I embraced them all; from chemical to relational, but now I hate medicine. "Highs" bring me low. Then the Lord spoke to my heart, "Pain is not your enemy. It was Mine. Pain's power lies in your heart's response."

Amy Carmichael wrote a poem about the attempts the human soul tries to make in regards to pain, suffering and sorrow. It's her last line that often comes to remembrance; "in acceptance lieth peace." Pain can drive me away from God as I kick against it, or it can drive me to the feet of God, where my tears find His comfort. Pain can make me mad as it intrudes into my schedule and stops me from doing what I want, or it can be the vehicle to drive me to His promises of His strength to replace my weakness, His healing to replace my pain, or His grace to submit to the interruption and trust Him for the outcome. When my child sees my suffering and her little face reflects fear and concern, I can listen to pain's lies about God's unfairness, or I can pray and trust that my Father is molding her character and knows what she needs to be exposed to for her future. 

At some point, pain crossed an invisible line and went from being an unwanted curse to an accepted gift from the Lord. It has become a special professor with life lessons that no other instructor could give. Each facet of pain, for the child of God, has a special invitation attached; "the fellowship of His sufferings. (Phil.3:10)" Sometimes, in the darkest hours of the night, when I cannot sleep through the pain, I sense the Lord's Presence right with me and I am comforted. But most of the time, I only hurt and sense the throbs, aches, stabs, and discomfort. And it is in those times, that I am certain part of my pain is caused by the Lord holding me so tight. He has taught me to trust Him and to look at the cross if I forget how much my life means to Him. I often forget.

So tell that unruly child called "Pain" to sit still and be quiet. Pain is never allowed to come to our doorstep unless the Lord has great riches of Himself that He wants to give to us. "In acceptance lies peace." 

2 Corinthians 4:17-18 is a scripture I have often asked the Lord to read and explain to my heart. I'm still listening... 

"For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; While we look not at the things which are seen, 

but at the things which are not seen : for the things which are seen are temporal; 

but the things which are not seen are eternal.

If you'd like to read some good books to help you deal with suffering and pain, I highly recommend these below. But there are many that have gone before us...

"Stepping Down" Into His Rest

How do you feel when you sense "change" is coming to your life? Fearful? Hopeful? Anxious? Relieved?

Years ago, I only had one response to impending change...restlessness. The dictionary defines it as "the inability to relax as a result of anxiety" and I certainly knew how to demonstrate it: obsessive cleaning of unseen places, irrational ideas for excursions, spontaneous shopping sprees, and a total inability to sit on any piece of furniture, no matter how comfortable. Change made me nervous. The unknown can feel threatening or worse to someone who has control issues.

But as I have come to know the Lord, I have grown to understand that all of God's ways for my life are for good and are birthed out of His love. Trust in His character stifles anxiety and embracing His love casts out the fear. As I sensed the Lord was about to bring "change" into my life, though I didn't know what it was, I felt the power of Eli's words to Samuel in 1 Samuel 3:9 (emphasis mine), "Go, lie down; and it shall be, if He calls you, that YOU MUST say, 'Speak Lord, for Your servant hears.'" The Lord did speak to me, very clearly and repeatedly.

Last Tuesday morning, on the day we were to start the women's Bible study for the year, I shared what the Lord put on my heart for the women in our church, and then announced how the Lord has led me to step away from the majority of ministry involvement. Many women were unable to attend the study and within one week, there have been misunderstandings and many questions. I am posting a link to the message here to try and help communicate to those who I haven't been able to speak with directly or may have their own questions.

Click here then on the message from 9/10/13 entitled Psalm 34:10

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. (Matt. 11:28-29)

From Provocation To Praise

Are there any places in scripture that you have a hard time reading? The story from First Samuel about Hannah and her barrenness used to be one I liked to skim or skip for years. I would read the first chapter and get to the part where Elkanah would give his wife Peninnah and her flock of children portions of food from the offering he made to the Lord, then verse 5, "But to Hannah he would give a double portion, for he loved Hannah, although the Lord had closed her womb." Ouch. Like a needle's sharp prick in my soul those words sounded. The Lord brought upon her the most difficult affliction a woman could bear in those days. Not to mention the normal desire most women have to bear little ones for the sheer joy of motherhood.

Then verses 6 and 7 just seemed to be salt in her soul's open wound. Read slowly and imagine what this must have been like for Hannah. "And her rival also provoked her severely, to make her miserable, because the Lord had closed her womb. So it was, year by year, when she went up to the house of the Lord that she provoked her; therefore she wept and did not eat." No doubt that this other wife of Elkanah's would do whatever she could throughout the year to discourage Hannah. I can only imagine some days that she could not escape the infectious giggles, overhear tiny lisped conversations, and be jolted by the cries from skinned knees that would yank from her soul that desire to comfort and kiss away the pain. I remember times in the past when baby showers seemed like torture chambers with cake and ice cream.

But notice the timing when the most intense attack comes from Hannah's rival in verse 7. "When she went up to the house of the Lord." It was when Hannah was going to that place of prayer, praise, worship, and sacrifice. The place that was to lift her broken heart and limited vision off the temporal and on to the eternal. This place where the irresistible aroma of worship and joyful thanksgiving would fill her senses and draw her in to remember Who she belonged to and the faithfulness of His care. This place that God desired for Hannah to find grace, help, comfort, and truth...and this is when she would be most attacked in her soul by her adversary.

Our adversary is not kinder than Penninah. He will try and provoke you to anger, bitterness, and misery:

• By keeping your focus on what you do not have. 
• Intensifying the pain of an unmet desire in your heart that God COULD fill if He chose to.
• By twisting and attacking the character of God in the areas of His goodness, gentleness, love and intimate care.
• His timing will intensify when you have opportunity to go to church, a home group, a prayer meeting, or when you sit down in the corner chair of your living room with a Bible.

"And when she was in bitterness of soul (verse 10)," she did not let it develop 

into bitterness that poisons the heart (Hebrews 12:15). That bitterness that is like a

blinding fog that covers over all the blessings He has filled our life with.

The best thing we can do when we are broken is believe God's promise to us from Psalm 34:18, "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." Since your God scoots close to the shards of your heart and is busy catching the tears that pour down your cheeks (Psalm 56:8), it would be good for us to respond to our adversary the way Hannah did. She "prayed to the Lord and wept in anguish" then asked Him to (look at verse 11):

1. Remember me and look on this affliction You have brought into my life. The Hebrew word for affliction pertains to suffering, trouble, hardship and misery. God has big enough shoulders and great enough love for you to bring your disappointment to Him. It is good when we tell Him that this trial is too much for us to bear and we seek Him to bear it for us.
2. I am Your maidservant. Her perspective of herself was not arrogant or one of entitlement. But in contrast to God, she was His slave to serve Him and His purposes. She felt she had no rights but a humble request.
3. Give me. She asks the Lord for a "gift" from Him. She cannot fulfill her own heart's desire nor change the circumstances in her life. She cannot seal the mouth of her adversary, escape the years of taunting and provocations, dull the pain in her heart, nor heal the grief that finds no contentment in anyone or anything else.
4. I will give...to the Lord. This was her commitment. Any gift given to her would be held with open hands and returned to the Lord for His purposes. She purposed that God's gift would not fatally embraced for selfish reasons, but released and enjoyed in the measure she was called to fulfill.

The Lord does not always give us exactly what we crave, but He always gives us that which is best. There are times when His answer will be like Hannah's and we receive exactly what we prayed for. There are other times where God's wisdom knows that what we ask for is not the best for us or for others or will not bring Him the greatest glory. And in these times, His grace is sufficient for us. And then there are times where His answer is His promise from Isaiah 30:18 "And therefore will the LORD wait, that He may be gracious unto you, and therefore will He be exalted, that He may have mercy upon you: for the LORD is a God of judgment: blessed are all they that wait for Him." Isn't that wonderful of God?

 

Don't listen to the lies that attack God's goodness. Don't turn your face to gaze at the cherub your heart desires and wonder if God sees, remembers, or cares at all about your affliction. But run past that provoker and let nothing stop you from gaining entrance to the Presence of the Lord at the throne of grace. Then pour out your heart as an offering to the Lord and trust the matter into His nail scarred hands.