July 23, 2013

Kayaking Conundrum

It was the "three hour tour" without Gilligan and Skipper. I'd never been kayaking before but after 10 minutes of sitting in one, my egotistical, self-confident, used-to-be-athletic self, was rehearsing the drill of escape once it tipped over. Our guide's last words, as I paddled away spasmodically from the pier were "Shannon, yours rolls a little more than the others." It took one swat at a bee to confirm that fact.

Since my husband took our little girl in a double kayak, I now doubted everything about his superhero status in the family. I was certain he was going to tip over and drown our kid. Images of the trauma so haunted me that I pulled out my phone (waterproof case) and texted my friend for prayer. I was ashamed of my fear but couldn't shake it. Shaking meant tipping over.

Our small crew of 12 disciples awkwardly mimicked "Follow the Leader" and paddled around a few islands, a few seals, and up the beautiful Bagaduce River. When we finally scooted the kayaks ashore at the local rest stop (a small beach and trees), we refueled with granola bars and water. Due to intense focus on my treasures in the double kayak, incorrect paddling techniques had completely depleted my Olive Oyl arm strength while my lower back decided to revolt by moving and pinching neighboring nerves that shot down my legs. Despite a forced smile to new comrades, I fell sideways getting out of my kayak and stood as gracefully as the Scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz after being cut down from his post. A rest could not have come at a more perfect time. The Lord knew.

"Now going back is going to be a little different." The guide's words snapped my head around. "The wind has picked up and we're going to be paddling against the current when we make our final stretch home. We are going to have to point the kayak at a landmark and paddle in a direction upstream but it will carry us straight back to the docks." Great. Contrary winds on top and disagreeable current below. Sounded like a familiar scenario for a different set of disciples.

Fast forwarding to the crossing of the bay...we all divided into groups so no one was left alone. Then we pointed our kayaks to a point far upstream from where we wanted to land and headed out. The winds were now whipping up little foam whitecaps, boats were sending out rumble strips we had to navigate, and stopping our rowing was not an option as the current would carry us far downstream. My husband told his excited non-rower to put her head down on the boat to help with the wind resistance and I developed whiplash constantly watching them as I tried to paddle towards our distant focal point. But just when I had not a drip left of strength (since I never mastered paddling technique), the current changed and pulled us all straight into our port.

Today, though I sit at my kitchen table, I feel like I'm back in that water spiritually amidst many disciples and treasures in other kayaks within my gaze. All of us following the Holy Spirit as Guide, listening to His instruction while rowing through our days, paddling against enemy winds and fierce undercurrents trying to force us off course. We are to always stay focused on the Lord Jesus, our landmark and lighthouse. At one point, right in the middle of the bay, I agonized watching my husband battle to make progress in a vessel much harder to navigate than my own. The guide must have seen my concern as she said to me, "Don't worry. If they can't make it, I'll pull up to his boat, anchor him to myself and pull him in. But they'll make it."I breathed.

Are these not the same words and heart that Jesus has for us in our final push towards heaven? Just stayed focused - "fixing our eyes on Jesus" Hebrews 12:2. Don't leave the group - "continued steadfastly in...doctrine and fellowship" Acts 2:42. Keep paddling forward - "but I press on...reaching forward" Philippians 3:12, 14. Then trust that when you have no strength, you have a Rescuer. A Deliverer. A Savior Who gave His life for your life. He's a Life preserver...forever. "...rescue me and deliver me; turn your ear to me and save me" Psalm 71:2. He will. Again and again.

July 21, 2013

A Soul Like Glass


Nearly everyone old enough to read has heard the phrase "pictures are worth a thousand words." It's why my phone, laptop and iPad comprise a monument-sized library within the folders marked "Photos." But there are times when the Lord gives us a snapshot that a thousand words would only diminish the meaning.

As my husband and daughter were being fit with life jacket's for a boat ride with a friend, I leaned against a wobbly, chipped paint railing and looked out across the saltwater bay in Castine, Maine. The winds had died down to a near whisper, sail boats had anchored, and the lobster boats had docked for the night. The only sounds I heard were the guys in the boatyard behind me talking about fishing, plans for the weekend and repairs needed to a couple of boats up on hoists. An Osprey swooped down, skated the water in front of me then launched skyward empty-clawed towards his nest nearby.

Then silence. Total silence. I didn't hear a footstep on the dock, a sailor's voice, a slap of water against a boat, nor a bird in the air. The water in front of me was a near solid glaze of mirror reflecting anything directly above it. The picture I took above was moments later because I was frozen in the silence as well.

His thoughts came to me, "My peace I give to you, not as the world gives. Don't let your heart be troubled nor afraid Shannon. When your soul rests in My peace, like this water, you will reflect Me more clearly to all who gaze on your life." The Lord tenderly spoke His words from John 14:27 while I stared at creation giving me an illustrated sermon. Then in my heart, I felt a stillness and a peace those thousand words can't describe. 

I never knew how noisy and turbulent my soul had become. My thoughts constantly churning with the winds of "what-ifs" about the days ahead, while a strong undertow of sorrow over loved ones hurting and issues in the ministry kept pulling me under. If my soul could've been seen in creation, you would've seen boats teetering back and forth, waves splashing with whitecaps, and conditions resembling that of a storm.

My heart spoke back to the Lord, "Father, I want my life and soul to reflect the God that hovers directly over my life. I want to mirror the reality of heaven above and the Prince of Peace that lives within. I never knew this contentment and security in heart until You breathed life in me. Please subdue all that is not of You and may Your perfect love cast out all this fear." Then I thought of Psalm 23 and our Great Shepherd Jesus, Who leads us to still waters and restores our soul. He was busy restoring this night...and then I jumped,

"MOMMY! Let me have Amos back!" I smiled as I returned a heart-patched teddy bear to my little one...then climbed aboard a ship that road the glass as though no waves existed.